Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Ladin and an American were out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama Bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

The American (a civil engineer), asks, "I'm curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, at the base, with no seams, or joints. It completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out, absolutely impenetrable."

The American says, "Fill it with water."

And here's a great new one - with a holiday flavor....

Osama's Twelve Days of Christmas - These are a list of "gifts" sent to Afghanistan from George W. to show the true "holiday spirit" of America this year.

On the FIRST day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, A rope to hang you from a bare tree.

On the SECOND day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 2 caves to hide in.

On the THIRD day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 3 B-52's

On the FOURTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 4 fresh batteries.

On the FIFTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 5 anthrax-laden Christmas cards.

On the SIXTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 6 marine battalions.

On the SEVENTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 7 gas masks.

On the EIGHTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 8 cities captured.

On the NINTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 9 rangers leaping.

On the TENTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 10 Taliban running.

On the ELEVENTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you, 11 bombs exploding

(Now sing it loudly so everyone can hear)

On the TWELFTH day of Christmas, the U.S. sent to you,
12 flags from New York City,
11 bombs exploding,
10 Taliban running,
9 rangers leaping,
8 cities captured,
7 gas masks wearing,
6 marine battalions,
5 anthrax-laden Christmas cards,
4 fresh batteries,
3 B-52's,
2 caves to hide in,
And a rope to hang you from a bare tree!

Osama bin Laden phoned President Bush. "I had a dream about the United States", he said. "I could see the whole country, and over every building and home was a banner", said Bin Laden. "What was on the banner?" asked Mr. Bush. "LONG LIVE OSAMA!!!" answered the terrorist. "I'm so glad you called", said President Bush, "because I too had a dream, I saw Afghanistan and it was more beautiful than ever, totally rebuilt with many tall gleaming office buildings, large residential subdivisions with swimming pools full of men and woman. And over every building and home was a big beautiful banner." "What did it say?" asked Osama. "I don't know" answered President Bush, "I can't read Hebrew."

Let us women handle it Take all American women who are within +/-5 years of menopause. Train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, Prozac, hormones, SPAM, etc. Drop us (parachuted, preferably)across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even men in turbans tremble. We have had our children, we would gladly die/suffer to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning; therefore, we have nothing to lose. Let US go and fight. The Taliban hate women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes all through their godforsaken terrain. I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too. HELL HAS NO FURY LIKE A PISSED OFF WOMAN!

The list of top 10 'famous last words' by Bin Laden 10. "Say Omar, is that a vulture in the sky or is that a B-2?" 9. "Okay men we have spotted some navy seals just over the ridge, let's show them how arabs fight." 8. "It is perfectly safe to hid here in these caves with the missiles, ammo, and petrol. The Americans have nothing that can penetrate this cave." 7. "Omar, I am tired of hiding in this cave, I will just stick my head out for a minute to see if the coast is clear." 6. "Simple Rasheed, I will simply bribe the American devils with my money and they will not kill us." 5. "Americans are soft, if we surrender, they must send us to America for a trial." 4. "It was nice of the Americans to drop food to us. I wonder why we have these t-shirts with the target on them." 3. "Hey American pig, I double dare you to drop that nuke." 2. "I will go and check and see what that wop wop wop noise is outside." and the number one famous last words: 1. "What do you mean Omar by saying I have a red laser dot on my forehead?"

Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the butt by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business. I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked. So it must be true.

Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common? A: Nothing...... yet. Q: How do you play Taliban bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1... Q: What is the Taliban's national bird? A: Duck Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble. Q: Why does the Taliban Navy have glass bottom boats? A: So they can see their Air Force. Q: What does Osama Bin Laden and General Custer have in common? A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from! Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan? A: Two days.

A hard lesson that some have yet to learn:

Taliban supreme leader, Mullah Mohammed Omar:	October 2001 - "The situation where we are now, there are two things: either death or victory. To those who are fighting and bombarding us, they should understand the Afghan man is a fighter willing to die for jihad."
June 1944 - "I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country..." General George S. Patton

Late Nite Jokes heard on TV... "There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head." - Jay Leno "It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard." - David Letterman "Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go? What have we got caves over here now, too? Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo." - Jay Leno "We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin Laden. Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that bin Laden had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters. You think his childhood was unhappy, wait 'til we deliver his mid-life crisis." - Jay Leno "There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel like a woman in their country." - Jay Leno

Merry Xmas Bin Laden Twas the night before Payback and all through the Land, They're running like rabbits in Afghanistan, Osama's been praying, he's down on his Knees, He's hoping that Allah will hear all his Pleas. He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and Shatter, But all that he's done is just make us Madder. We ain't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut, And we'll kick your butt, with one heavy Boot. And yes we remember the USS Cole, And the lives of our sailors that you bastards Stole. You think you can rule us and cause us to Fear, You'll soon get the answer if you live to Hear. And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam, And he ain't forgotten the sound of our Bombs. You think that those mountains are somewhere to Hide. They'll go down in history as the place where you Died. Remember Khadhafi and his Line of Death? He came very close, to his final Breath. So come out and prove it, that you are a Man, Cause our boys are coming and they have a Plan. They are our fathers and they are our Sons, And they sure do carry some mighty big Guns. They would have stayed home with children and Wives, Till you bastards came here and took all these Lives. Osama I wrote this especially for You, For air mail delivery by B-52. You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle, Old Glory is coming, attached to a Missile. I will not be sorry to see your ass Go. It's Red, White, and Blue that is running this Show.

Moody fan sends some Jay Leno quotes: "There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll taste your food, you check our mail." "President Bush is encouraging children to become pen-pals with other children in the Middle East. Oh, that's a good idea. Like parents are going to want to have their children opening letters, saying 'Look what I got, a letter from Afghanistan! Let's see what's in it' "The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan once the Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about Al Gore? He's not doing anything, he needs a job, and he's already got the beard." "You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video, and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration."

       

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