As for RAISING those bouncing baby boys? There's a job and a half! It's not for the faint of heart, and it probably helps to be a bit nutty to start with, as you'll surely end up there by the time those boys turn into men!!
Things I've learned from my Boys:
1.) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys, will do it because:
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age,this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
(from a Mother in Austin, Texas, probably choosing to be anonymous!)
Those are too funny, and I can fully relate! My own experience says that she forgot to mention...
peeing contests on the bathroom walls (how high can you go?), or
peeing out the upstairs bedroom windows (how far out can you go?), or
spying on neighbors through those same upstairs windows (don't forget to wave when the neighbors finally realize they've left the curtains open, and had a love-making show), or
trying to remove the antenna from the back of Dad's BMW (don't worry about scratches from the metal on your suspenders or button on the pants), or
seeing how well sidewalk chalk writes on Dad's 3-piece suits (white or yellow chalk are best for the dark suits), or
wiping spaghetti sauce covered hands on the sleeves of another 3 piece suit (hmmm, napkins actually work better, must remember that), or
writing that horrible "F" word on the neighbor's driveway, just to see what it looks like, because, for goodness sake, you wouldn't want to do it on your own driveway (oops, Mom found out anyway).
Nor does it mention the bouts of honesty that stem from wrong-doing:
"Hmmm, the last bit of amaretto is gone from my glass, did you take it?" shaking of head, "no, and it tasted icky!" ( mmm hmmm...), or
"Did you take that candy from the table?" shaking of head, "No, and they're not in my pocket!" (umm, that wouldn't be the bulging pocket?)
Uh huh!! Boys, sigh....
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